About Time
Ok, so I am finally ready to expunge upon my year thus far. And it has NOT been a good one, so be prepared.
Ok, to begin with, I started the holiday season, with a second DUI. How depressing. Ok, yes, I know I am a party animal. And I have been curbing my ways since that fateful night. I am actually leaving bars sober, well soberish. .. .but still, its a start. Am I scared of the reprecussions? Yes, I am. I am terrified of having to go to jail, but this is the path I followed, and I need to fess up.
Aside from that, I also had the horrific experience of having my two front teeth (ok, veneers) knocked out at a party. Do I know the specifics, no. And this is a problem, oh alcohol, you have forsaken me, but yes, I had to replace my two front teeth. So, I am dealing with a ricidulous dentist who can't seem to make my "temporary" teeth stay in. I have been to the dentist now 7 times, 7 TIMES! Because one of the temporaries keeps falling out. Hot, no?
Enough of that, ridiculous, yes, but I am dealing. What is really freakin me out is that i have finally started to update my wardrobe. Buying clothes that actually fit me, rather than hide the "fat" that I consider is all over my body. This distinction is very foreign to me. I get hit on. I get compliments constantly. And I can't help but feel that I obviously gave off the vibe that I was fat. .which whigs me out!
Ok, I am not that in shape, yes I have moobies. . . .small as they are, they still constitute moobies. The sag, they are not impressive. . they just are.
I am in a precarious situation currently, and I just seem to continue to flaunt this situation. I actually appear desirable. Ok, I have never been ugly or anything, but I feel like right now, I am pulling focus. I am actually making people look twice, which makes me weird in social situations. Weird? Yes, weird. I can't seem to understand that I am attractive to men. And I don't know why.
I like a guy, yes it is true, I do like someone and want to remain faithful to what could become of it. But, I get this weird I want you vibe from people that I was attracted to, but never wanted to bother with me before, and it gets confusing. So, I just flirt, but don't go overboard. I stop at any sensual touching. Any sort of dick play. . .and I feel gratified. Its pompous, but I feel like, WOW, I am attractive, or at least cute in some way, and I like that.
Freddies is a great place to rebuild your self esteem. People who go there, pay attention to the regulars and compliment as they see you transform, and that is incredible!
My show opens tomorrow, and I am nervous as hell. I hope I am funny. I hope that my friends/collegues/aquaintences find me funny and realistic. I want nothing more than to show those I respect, that I deserve the respect I so often receive. I love acting, I love to peel off my skin and put on someone elses. And I hope that i have not lost my ability to make that true to the audience.
Happy February! I will do my best to update more frequently.
Ok, so I am finally ready to expunge upon my year thus far. And it has NOT been a good one, so be prepared.
Ok, to begin with, I started the holiday season, with a second DUI. How depressing. Ok, yes, I know I am a party animal. And I have been curbing my ways since that fateful night. I am actually leaving bars sober, well soberish. .. .but still, its a start. Am I scared of the reprecussions? Yes, I am. I am terrified of having to go to jail, but this is the path I followed, and I need to fess up.
Aside from that, I also had the horrific experience of having my two front teeth (ok, veneers) knocked out at a party. Do I know the specifics, no. And this is a problem, oh alcohol, you have forsaken me, but yes, I had to replace my two front teeth. So, I am dealing with a ricidulous dentist who can't seem to make my "temporary" teeth stay in. I have been to the dentist now 7 times, 7 TIMES! Because one of the temporaries keeps falling out. Hot, no?
Enough of that, ridiculous, yes, but I am dealing. What is really freakin me out is that i have finally started to update my wardrobe. Buying clothes that actually fit me, rather than hide the "fat" that I consider is all over my body. This distinction is very foreign to me. I get hit on. I get compliments constantly. And I can't help but feel that I obviously gave off the vibe that I was fat. .which whigs me out!
Ok, I am not that in shape, yes I have moobies. . . .small as they are, they still constitute moobies. The sag, they are not impressive. . they just are.
I am in a precarious situation currently, and I just seem to continue to flaunt this situation. I actually appear desirable. Ok, I have never been ugly or anything, but I feel like right now, I am pulling focus. I am actually making people look twice, which makes me weird in social situations. Weird? Yes, weird. I can't seem to understand that I am attractive to men. And I don't know why.
I like a guy, yes it is true, I do like someone and want to remain faithful to what could become of it. But, I get this weird I want you vibe from people that I was attracted to, but never wanted to bother with me before, and it gets confusing. So, I just flirt, but don't go overboard. I stop at any sensual touching. Any sort of dick play. . .and I feel gratified. Its pompous, but I feel like, WOW, I am attractive, or at least cute in some way, and I like that.
Freddies is a great place to rebuild your self esteem. People who go there, pay attention to the regulars and compliment as they see you transform, and that is incredible!
My show opens tomorrow, and I am nervous as hell. I hope I am funny. I hope that my friends/collegues/aquaintences find me funny and realistic. I want nothing more than to show those I respect, that I deserve the respect I so often receive. I love acting, I love to peel off my skin and put on someone elses. And I hope that i have not lost my ability to make that true to the audience.
Happy February! I will do my best to update more frequently.
posted by Mark at 10:53 PM
1 Comments:
"Moobies"? Never knew that word existed. I'll have to use it....it's easier to say than man-boobs. Hooray! I love you and all that comes with you (you temp teeth, your hotness, your new clothes, and your moobies).
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