Yet another drunken blog. . . i love to blog when I drink apparently. Ok, here goes.
I had an awesome night at Freddies, the gang was there, I even got to meet one of my friend's parents. How fun is that!? I enjoyed hanging with everyone, and just had a good time. I even re-connected with someone I was attracted to, who is a flight attendent, and isn't in town very much. So, I hung with him, hung with my friends. . had a good time.
I realize that I am a sexual being, its really not something I have much control over, it just is. I seem to exude sex to people. I wish I could bottle it up, and save it for certain occasions but. . .I digress. So, I had a good time, hanging out with my friends. One friend in particular who, I must admit, I am quite smitten with, but who is not at a point that he can deal with someone's affections, so I stay a friend, and hope for a time when I can get through.
Ok, so, the flight attendent, yes. . .back to him, we flirt, chat and what not. And he decides he has to go, he grabs me and says, you coming? I have a fleeting moment of. . .oh, ok. . but decide, no, I need to go home, so I say, not tonight dude, I need to grab some sleep. So, he leaves and I hang with my friends, get my check, and say my good byes.
I walk outside, and who is standing out, in the rain, soaking wet, but mr. flight attendent. I'm like, what are you doing!? He says, waiting for you. I'm like, dude, you need to go home as do I. So, I share my umbrella with him, and walk him home. We get to his building and he puts his arm around me and says, come on in. I try to decline, and he says, dude, come on. . its cold and rainy, lets just hang out for a bit. Huh, why does that work on me?!
So, I go in. . .and he takes me to his room, for the night ,and starts to undress. Ok, I have had enough to drink that i go along with it. So, things progress, and suddenly he is like, I want you inside me. . .lubes himself, and me, and goes right into it. . .I'm like, umm. . .condom dude! So, he. . much preturbed. . is like, oh. . ok, let me see what I can find. . . and gets up and walks around the room, looking, meanwhile, I am doing my best to stay in the situation. . .he finally finds one and helps me out with it, it snaps (ok, I honestly think he did it on purpose but. . whatever) so, he looks for another and says, nah, can't find one. . . so, I'm like, well no then. So, he comes back and starts back up. He then tries to slip it in, and I am like, umm. . no condom, and I am NOT up for that tonight, so he goes to work on himself, and wham bam, is done. . then he is up and getting dressed, oh. . .um, ok. So, I do the same. And he walks me to the door and says, walk safe, then turns and makes a phone call.
Huh. That's all I can think, is huh. I know that I suck at the fact that I am easily persuaded in this respect. And that I more often than not disobey my brain, and do what I know is stupid and wrong. Its stupid, I know. And, I long for someone who just wants to exchange numbers and actually chat, go out to dinner, chat some more and acutally build something. Actually make the time to get to know me. Why is that so hard!?
It is what it is. I don't apologize for my actions, I have fun, however, that fun is tired. Its old news. I long for something more real, more respectible. How does one find that? Does one even look for that? I don't know. I can only assume that because of my inability to steer clear of the playa's, I am not in the same playing field as those that I so desperately long to meet.
It sucks to answer your own questions with the facts and STILL go against what you want for instant gratification, but alas, that seems to be my pattern of late.
Ugh, back to depressing posts. . sorry readers, I will have happier posts soon.
I had an awesome night at Freddies, the gang was there, I even got to meet one of my friend's parents. How fun is that!? I enjoyed hanging with everyone, and just had a good time. I even re-connected with someone I was attracted to, who is a flight attendent, and isn't in town very much. So, I hung with him, hung with my friends. . had a good time.
I realize that I am a sexual being, its really not something I have much control over, it just is. I seem to exude sex to people. I wish I could bottle it up, and save it for certain occasions but. . .I digress. So, I had a good time, hanging out with my friends. One friend in particular who, I must admit, I am quite smitten with, but who is not at a point that he can deal with someone's affections, so I stay a friend, and hope for a time when I can get through.
Ok, so, the flight attendent, yes. . .back to him, we flirt, chat and what not. And he decides he has to go, he grabs me and says, you coming? I have a fleeting moment of. . .oh, ok. . but decide, no, I need to go home, so I say, not tonight dude, I need to grab some sleep. So, he leaves and I hang with my friends, get my check, and say my good byes.
I walk outside, and who is standing out, in the rain, soaking wet, but mr. flight attendent. I'm like, what are you doing!? He says, waiting for you. I'm like, dude, you need to go home as do I. So, I share my umbrella with him, and walk him home. We get to his building and he puts his arm around me and says, come on in. I try to decline, and he says, dude, come on. . its cold and rainy, lets just hang out for a bit. Huh, why does that work on me?!
So, I go in. . .and he takes me to his room, for the night ,and starts to undress. Ok, I have had enough to drink that i go along with it. So, things progress, and suddenly he is like, I want you inside me. . .lubes himself, and me, and goes right into it. . .I'm like, umm. . .condom dude! So, he. . much preturbed. . is like, oh. . ok, let me see what I can find. . . and gets up and walks around the room, looking, meanwhile, I am doing my best to stay in the situation. . .he finally finds one and helps me out with it, it snaps (ok, I honestly think he did it on purpose but. . whatever) so, he looks for another and says, nah, can't find one. . . so, I'm like, well no then. So, he comes back and starts back up. He then tries to slip it in, and I am like, umm. . no condom, and I am NOT up for that tonight, so he goes to work on himself, and wham bam, is done. . then he is up and getting dressed, oh. . .um, ok. So, I do the same. And he walks me to the door and says, walk safe, then turns and makes a phone call.
Huh. That's all I can think, is huh. I know that I suck at the fact that I am easily persuaded in this respect. And that I more often than not disobey my brain, and do what I know is stupid and wrong. Its stupid, I know. And, I long for someone who just wants to exchange numbers and actually chat, go out to dinner, chat some more and acutally build something. Actually make the time to get to know me. Why is that so hard!?
It is what it is. I don't apologize for my actions, I have fun, however, that fun is tired. Its old news. I long for something more real, more respectible. How does one find that? Does one even look for that? I don't know. I can only assume that because of my inability to steer clear of the playa's, I am not in the same playing field as those that I so desperately long to meet.
It sucks to answer your own questions with the facts and STILL go against what you want for instant gratification, but alas, that seems to be my pattern of late.
Ugh, back to depressing posts. . sorry readers, I will have happier posts soon.
posted by Mark at 11:00 PM
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