Yet another sleepless night. A night of thinking, and of reflecting on the things I wish that were, the things I want to be, and the reality of what i have. New Years is always a time for us to look back and see those things we wish we could changed, those things that we wish we could have, those things we let slip from our grasp. Conversely, it is also a time to look ahead, a time for us to think about those things that we will achieve, those things that we will make sure to fix, those things that we will rectify in one way or another. For me I have many, many things that i wish to fix, that I wish to rectify in the new year. For me, it is many things, things that I wish had happened, things that I wish would still happen, things that I just don't understand. I pride myself on my friendshipts, My ability to see into people and take the best from them, and hopefully, allow them to take from me the same. My love for my friends reaches beyond just those qualities we share, those qualities we bring into our relationship, it is also a girder, a support to keep me standing, to keep me living. I am blessed to have a hord of girders, a pletheora of people to keep me going. I keep alot inside, and allow my personal girder to shake, bend and at times crumble. It is part of my nature, a nature to keep the bad for myself and only share the good. To allow those I care about to release their inner demons and take those demons into myself. I can't stand the fact that I keep so much inside, so much anxt, so much self loathing. Of course I have friends to vent to, friends to share in my pain, but only to a point, only in so much as I can stand. The rest is left to fester inside, to rot my inner core. Am I alone? Hell no, I think there is that part in us all that selfishly hangs onto the worst, that clings to a darkness that has no business thriving within us. I like to think that, in having a relationship, in find one's true love, one is able to let some of that darkness trickle out. To expose our rotting core, and hope for some sort of relief. It is what we are all in search of, what we all crave. As for me, I hang onto it, and at times it rocks my world, it makes me question my existence, my goodness. It makes me feel dirty, and not in a good way.

So, for now I wish to say Happy New Year, to a year full of hope and quiet desperation, to a year of release from the darkness inside, and the pursuit of a guiding light, a pathway to rightousness and hope. Let 2007 be that, the year of hope, the year of light and resolution.