My apologies, for anyone who actually reads this dribble, I have posted in a while. I have been a bit busy. Busy, reconnecting with people, keeping my connections and otherwise just trying to live. Living is tough. Anyone will tell you that, single or taken. I have come to realize a few things about my situation that both bum me out, but at the same time are expected. I am not a young dude anymore, and as such, when I go out and over do it, I am viewed as a drunken old man. No, I am not an old man, but let's be real, let's look at the community at hand and realize that this is the impression I am giving off.

K, I am older. I have a comfortable lifestyle, one that affords me the abilty to do things my younger friends can't do, or can with some motiviation. I say this only because I feel bad. I feel like, I am wasting time going out and meeting people, who quite honestly, I will have to meet a few times before we recognize each other. Are these really the people I want to spend time with? The answer is no. I have bar friends, those I care about and like to hang out with. And then there are the teases, those who flirt and kiss and grab, but really, view me as a fun older dude to hang out with and flirt, but nothing more. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes, that makes me feel ridiculously lonely and pathetic.

I go to JR's with friends, who lately make me feel like a third wheel. I go to Freddies and feel like the town drunk, who everyone loves to hang out with, drink with, share stories with but, really wouldn't be caught dead with outside the bar.

Sometimes, emotions just get out of my control and I create these ridiculous storylines to perpetuate my depression and self loathing. What is true and what isn't. Its hard for me to tell sometimes. I am loved, and I love so many of my friends, those friends I have shared such intimate things with. Nothing is more intimate than to be onstage, sharing moments with friends and havign stories to share afterwards. Those relationships, I am confident and true to. But, I try to hard to maintain non-theater friendships too. That is where the difficulty lies.

I garner alot of affection at Freddies. I know people truly like me, and I appreciate that so much, this is the truth. But, isn't there always a but?, I also feel like the time I spend at Fredddies, stunts my ability to meet potential dates. Ruins my chances of getting someone's number and actually calling for a date. Dry spells are the norm, and I certainly have had my share.