38 going on 25
Ok, we all know, ok those who know me personally, that I party. Yes, I drink and carry on like a college student at times. I love my young friends. But let me set something to rest. My career is on trak, I have things well in hand and am not messing things up. That being said, I can't even begin to say how 1) happy I am for my friends 2) how depressed I am for my friends. Ok, this needs some explaining. . .I love the vitality and frivolousness of my friends. The ability to just let loose and be on any given night. I wish I could be back at that point in my life, but I am not. I need to be aware of the fact I have a govey job and need to be responsible. How responsible, well that depends.
Its no secret that I want to be back in the programming world, and I have kept my focus. Its no secret that I want to be successful in theater, again no secret. My current situation has forced me to put theater on the back burner. Good? Well, its necessary. Did I ever think that would happen, no, but in all honesty. . . I need to focus, on something . The theater thing didnt' pan out, will it ever. . . dunno, but currently no. . .I am not where I thought I would be when theater became my focus. But I do not regret it either.
I love all of my friends, both old and new. I inherently have good fortune when it comes to opening myself up to people. Sure, there are things we don't see eye to eye on, there are things I wish could be different or be more attuned with, but these are the things that grow and develop, you can't have it all at once.
I have friends that are in a world I can't be in any more, at least right now, and that breaks my heart, makes it difficult to refocus and continue on my stride. Things have happened this year that have completely messed my world up. Made me realize how I am viewed and how easily things can be pasted upon a clear relationship. I have learned how easily friendship can be co-opted and dissolved. I have learned how fragile one's reputation can be destroyed. But, this can also be viewed as a growing experience.; a way to realize how important communication, honesty and trust plays into friendships. Sometimes trust bites you in the ass, and sometimes communication gets held up and stuck in red tape, but the moral is always, communicate and trust that your communication will continue the trust that is so important in a friendship and relationship.
I have also learned that stream of consciousness verbalization never is good in a bad situation. As sad as it seems, I have learned that no one can help solidify a situation, no one can be that ear that hears your inner workings. There are situations where you have to keep it inside and make sense of it yourself before you can express things verbally. Hard lesson to know, hard lesson to learn but, unfortunately, true in my case.
No need for specifics, those who care and read will know of what I speak, but, being honest is always the best road. Putting things out there, negating what can be negating in a bad situation, I feel is ok, not great, but ok. I try to gain knowledge and understanding from my experiences, does it always work? No, sometimes it hurts like hell, makes me crazy, but I continue on and try to revere myself into something better, something more appealing.
Long post, sorry . . . lots on my mind and I needed to let it out.
Hope you understand, readers. . . .next time some happy news!!!
Ok, we all know, ok those who know me personally, that I party. Yes, I drink and carry on like a college student at times. I love my young friends. But let me set something to rest. My career is on trak, I have things well in hand and am not messing things up. That being said, I can't even begin to say how 1) happy I am for my friends 2) how depressed I am for my friends. Ok, this needs some explaining. . .I love the vitality and frivolousness of my friends. The ability to just let loose and be on any given night. I wish I could be back at that point in my life, but I am not. I need to be aware of the fact I have a govey job and need to be responsible. How responsible, well that depends.
Its no secret that I want to be back in the programming world, and I have kept my focus. Its no secret that I want to be successful in theater, again no secret. My current situation has forced me to put theater on the back burner. Good? Well, its necessary. Did I ever think that would happen, no, but in all honesty. . . I need to focus, on something . The theater thing didnt' pan out, will it ever. . . dunno, but currently no. . .I am not where I thought I would be when theater became my focus. But I do not regret it either.
I love all of my friends, both old and new. I inherently have good fortune when it comes to opening myself up to people. Sure, there are things we don't see eye to eye on, there are things I wish could be different or be more attuned with, but these are the things that grow and develop, you can't have it all at once.
I have friends that are in a world I can't be in any more, at least right now, and that breaks my heart, makes it difficult to refocus and continue on my stride. Things have happened this year that have completely messed my world up. Made me realize how I am viewed and how easily things can be pasted upon a clear relationship. I have learned how easily friendship can be co-opted and dissolved. I have learned how fragile one's reputation can be destroyed. But, this can also be viewed as a growing experience.; a way to realize how important communication, honesty and trust plays into friendships. Sometimes trust bites you in the ass, and sometimes communication gets held up and stuck in red tape, but the moral is always, communicate and trust that your communication will continue the trust that is so important in a friendship and relationship.
I have also learned that stream of consciousness verbalization never is good in a bad situation. As sad as it seems, I have learned that no one can help solidify a situation, no one can be that ear that hears your inner workings. There are situations where you have to keep it inside and make sense of it yourself before you can express things verbally. Hard lesson to know, hard lesson to learn but, unfortunately, true in my case.
No need for specifics, those who care and read will know of what I speak, but, being honest is always the best road. Putting things out there, negating what can be negating in a bad situation, I feel is ok, not great, but ok. I try to gain knowledge and understanding from my experiences, does it always work? No, sometimes it hurts like hell, makes me crazy, but I continue on and try to revere myself into something better, something more appealing.
Long post, sorry . . . lots on my mind and I needed to let it out.
Hope you understand, readers. . . .next time some happy news!!!
posted by Mark at 9:15 PM
2 Comments:
I used to lament over friendships 'lost' or friendships changed. But I came to realize that friendships are not all equal. Some will be carried with you forever, some for a season, and some will return after years of absence. If you keep communication and trust in your friendships you will always be thought of fondly.
Mark :-)
Hey Mark,
Glad to hear that you are working on getting things in your life prioritized.
A friend is someone who sticks by you when the chips are down. I know that I can count on you and you know that you can count on me. That's what friends are for.
Friends are really kind of a rare thing. The rest are just party pals, chatroom chums or drinking buddies, and there is nothing wrong with that, just as long as you know the difference.
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